


look out to the future (but it tells you nothing)

by chemicalpixie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Additional Characters Are Mentioned, Black Blood, Death, F/M, Grimdarkness, Vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7471887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalpixie/pseuds/chemicalpixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“her name was rose lalonde, and she was twenty-three. she was twenty-three, and she already knew she would die before she held her daughter.”</p><p>or; rose lalonde remains a seer in every timeline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	look out to the future (but it tells you nothing)

**Author's Note:**

> written forever ago. i wrote another piece from roxy's pov, but didn't like how it turned out, so i'm only putting this one here.
> 
> playlist to accompany this forthcoming.

her name was rose lalonde, and she was twenty-three. she was twenty-three, and she already knew she would die before she held her daughter. she had figured it out shortly after her last birthday and she'd sobbed, sobbed for the little girl she'd seen but would never know. she was dying anyway; she awoke in the middle of the night to hallucinations and then she'd race to the bathroom to vomit up black blood. the doctors weren't sure what exactly had gone wrong inside of her, but some thought it was a brain tumor. her dreams lately had always been dark, full of _blood_ and _tears_ and _screaming_ , and a language she didn't understand, and she longed to put her grief into words, grief for her father who'd only stayed long enough to name her, and grief for her mother who'd died suddenly of cancer, and grief for the daughter she'd never get to know. she was a writer, and she still couldn't find the right words. 

//

but sometimes she dreamed of her, another her, a girl who had never met the batterwitch and met a girl who loved her more than she deserved. and that girl was _happy_ , and _loved_ , and even though rose had dave, she knew they could never be to each other what that girl was to the other rose. she loved dave, she did, but she longed for some kind of emotional connection - she'd always felt something was missing between them. she would never admit that to him, though. Let him believe they were each other's soulmates. It was the kind of romanticized bullshit he said was ironic but he actually craved. 

//

and it was because of all this that she said yes when he asked if she wanted to kill the batterwitch. she began to make videos, so that her daughter would have something, some remnant of her, as dave began planning. and he planned, and she _sobbed_ , writhing in pain, and her skin began to take on a greyish hue. she saved the videos for when she felt better. she wouldn't ever let her daughter see what she'd become. and dave began to make videos too, eventually. when rose finally learned her daughter's name in a dream, she couldn't believe it. roxy was perfect for her, perfect for a girl who'd never met and would never know she was named after her grandmother roxanne, and would carry the name with her own kind of spunk. dave never found out what his son's name would be, and nicknamed him lil bro. 

//

she only saw him cry once, on the video that they'd saved for their fifteenth birthday, and he sobbed, and apologized. "i'm sorry, lil bro. i don't even know your goddamned name, and i'm sorry. i don't have foresight like rolal, and i am sorry. i wanted to be there for you. i wanted to love you and i am so, so sorry." she'd held him after that, and told him softly about the other dave, and how he'd had friends who'd loved him, and he hadn't had to be a father, how none of this responsibility had fallen on his head. it was the last video he ever made, and because he couldn't bear the idea of his son not ever hearing from him again, he began to write letters. rose did the same, leaving letters for roxy for when she played the game. she didn't know the name of the game, even though she had encountered it in her dreams. she knew the other rose had played it too, and so had her girlfriend, the one she could never quite picture right when she woke up. she only knew she was _jade_ , and _red_ , and she was the most beautiful thing the other rose had ever seen (and, arguably, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, but she could never remember her well enough to judge). she wrote roxy letters, letters saying she loved her and she was sorry, and to be good to her friends, take care of them, be careful of alcohol, and to love everyone, and if she fell in love with lil bro, that was okay, and if she fell in love with one of her other friends, a female one, that was okay, and to remember rose always loved her, because no matter what happened, what roxy did, she was proud of her. she stopped writing letters a few weeks before they left, and the last one told roxy what rose had done, and what she'd died for, about her books, and that rose was sorry, and that she loved her. 

//

rose was still sick, and she'd lived longer than anyone had thought she would, but she still knew she was dying. trying to kill the batterwitch would give meaning to her death, and she wouldn't just waste away in the throes of the darkness that had held her for so long. she'd finally do something _right_ , something _good_ with her life. so they left.

//

and three weeks later, rose lalonde was twenty-five, and she was dead. 


End file.
